Promise
by BadOrange
Summary: Shepard's life after Thane's death.


**Promise**

"Mommy!" The girl squealed before the pitter patter of feet bounded around the hallway corner, with hands outstretched. Shepard braced for impact and the little girl leapt and wrapped herself around her legs making her take one step back.

"Hey sweet-pea, mommy needs some coffee first okay?" The little girl looked up, bright blue eyes and a shit-eating grin.

"Can I have some coffee too?" She asked, digging her fists into Shepard's sweats.

"Not until you're eighteen," She paused and swiped her mug off the table, "Or sixteen if you're good."

"That's," She pulled one fist away and counted numbers on her small chubby fingers, "That's nine years away!"

"Uh-huh," Shepard shuffled to the counter where the heaven machine was plugged in with the little girl still clinging to her thighs, "Are you gonna' keep bothering me or go wake up your dad?" The little girl with tufts of russet hair gave another squeal and darted off in the direction of their bedroom.

Shepard stared after her, pressing buttons on the machine. She didn't think of the war or that she was a war-hero or whatever. She didn't think of the destruction the Reapers had caused, or that she was in such a state after defeating them that most of her body was now metal. She did think of the friends she used to have and the buzz of the ship and the desperation to get away from it all. Sometimes she wished she could go back to that buzz, to eavesdrop in conversations to hear everyone chatter and call her the Commander. She wasn't that now, a war-hero sure, but she had tried to put being the Commander behind her after settling down and having a family. Still, that sort of command had been ingrained in her but that kind of vigour came in handy when trying to meet a deadline and your kid didn't want to get ready.

And yeah, sometimes she missed parts of that life, especially the constant shrill of gunfire and that adrenaline rush before running out into enemy sights. That had been her drug for a long time and she hadn't quite kicked the habit after all these years. But that was what Garrus was for, kicking back and shooting targets, offering advice on cases and sometimes if she was damn lucky she'd be a hired mercenary for him. Top secret of course, Shepard didn't want the Alliance or any other Galactic government to find out in fear that they'd pull her back into the field and demand more from her.

Shepard's time now was family and friend time and Thane had his own personal slot every morning. Special bastard.

"You gon' visit Thane today?" He asked in a gravelly voice making her jump. He slouched against the archway, running his hands through his long messy bed hair. He always looked good doing that and Shepard liked what she saw and wanted to spend the rest of her days waking up to a sight like him. It was simple, she wanted him and he wanted her (God knows that it wasn't because she was covered head to foot in battle scars), they got together, got married had a daughter and now here they were.

"Yeah," She peered at him over the rim of her mug before taking a sip. He didn't really have to ask, it was her morning ritual and sometimes her daughter tagged along too. She spent ten to twenty minutes with Thane and then got on with her day.

"Mommy can I come see Thane too?" The little girl piped up from around the corner. She walked into the kitchen with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as a shawl and a small white bunny tucked beneath one arm.

"'Course sweet-pea," She looked at her daughter, beaming from ear to ear, "Remember what I told you last time though, you gotta' be on your best behaviour."

"I know," Her little bare foot moved side to side on the floor as her gaze dropped to her feet, "Will Mr Krios be there this time?"

"Kolyat?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe sweet-pea," Shepard took another sip, caught her husband's gaze and flashed him a shit-eating grin.

"He's blue," The little girl giggled, "And is covered in black dots! Mom do you think he'll let me connect the dots?"

Shepard's grin got bigger and she dropped to her knees and looked the little girl in the eyes. She was the spitting image of her with tangles of messy auburn hair and striking cobalt eyes with freckles dotting over her nose and cheeks. She was a little fighter too, with mood swings that shook the Earth and tantrums that made fighting the Reapers look easy.

"If you ask nicely he might," Of course he wouldn't let her, but may be if she asked sweet enough he'd fall for those ocean eyes exactly like she did.

"If I give you permanent marker you gon' draw a picture on him for me Evie?" Her husband's hand dropped to the little girls shoulders giving her a friendly nudge. She grinned up at her dad and Shepard's eyes followed the lines of his tattoos over his muscular forearms and up his biceps. He had been a soldier too, once, fighting in the Reaper war just like her.

"What picture you want daddy?" Blue eyes stared up at him, neck almost horizontal.

"You gotta' do it in secret though," His gravelly voice lowered to a whisper.

"I know that!" She whined. "Mom's told me how to be sneaky," Shepard bit back a chuckle.

"Oh yeah?" She heard the playfulness in his voice, "You betta' put those new skills to the test then and draw me a unicorn or somethin'."

"A unicorn?" Evie scoffed, shaking her head.

"You don' like unicorns?" Evie shook her head again, hair swishing from side to side, "But Kolyat likes unicorns." Shepard bit back another laugh.

"Yeah sweet-pea, Kolyat loves unicorns," Shepard egged, watching Evie's face light up in delight.

"Okay!" She beamed, skidding on her heels as she raced off back down the hallway.

"Revenge for beating you at poker?" Shepard turned her attention to her husband, sliding her mug onto the breakfast bar.

"Damn straight," He replied roughly, boxing her in with hands placed on the counter's either side of her hips, "Won a thousan' credits off me the other night."

"Shouldn't bet so high," She retorted, a smile curling at the corner of her lips.

"It ain't fun if there ain't high stakes." She knew that all too well.

x

Shepard liked to walk there, knowing really understanding why but it felt nice. And nice was good. Evie stuffed her fist into Shepard's hand and Shepard held it back as she felt tarmac turn to grains of sand crunching beneath her boots.

Sounds of waves crashing against the beach could be heard from her house atop the mountain behind them but they were louder now. It was a call to the ocean, the same as every morning. Shepard always looked forward to it.

"Commander," Kolyat said, surprised as always to see her there so early in the day, "One day I fear you may stop coming to visit."

"Hey it's good to see you too," Shepard answered, getting closer and handing over her bunch of flowers.

"She likes it here," Kolyat nodded over towards where her daughter was kneeling, fingers curling around an Orchid's pink and white flower. Shepard's gaze followed her daughters to the white marble grave.

"It's peaceful," Shepard said, reading the engraved letters over and over like the realisation that he was gone hadn't hit her after so many years.

"Commander," Kolyat's voice was soft and it drew her attention once more, "You never told me why."

"Why what?" She looked at him, confused.

"Why you still come here, why you haven't moved away," He paused, eyelids flickering, "And why you haven't given up on us." He looked at her then, a grown man now that had come into his own. He wasn't that young adolescent she had met on the Citadel trying to put a bullet in the Turian's skull. No, he had a family now and was settled down. He was the man Thane would have wanted to see him become.

Shepard swallowed the lump in her throat, pausing to breathe in the salty air and to brush hair out of her face.

"I love your father," She said simply, the words slipping easily off her tongue. And it was true, she loved him, had never stopped loving him from the moment he came aboard her ship.

"Still?" He asked it but it sounded like he didn't mean it. He knew she did, and he knew it from her devotion to visit his grave and from the stories she told her daughter of the adventures they had together.

"Still," Shepard grinned at him, "I miss him y'know, every day."

"Does your husband know?" Kolyat moved to arrange the flowers at his grave and then came back to her.

"Oh yeah," Shepard sniffed hard, ignoring the build up of moisture in the corner of her eyes, "He understands." And he did, he had firsthand experience in knowing what it felt like to be with someone amidst all the chaos of war. He also knew what it felt like to lose someone.

The waves broke against the beach banks and Shepard watched from her sitting position in the sand as her daughter built tiny sandcastles around his marble headstand.

"Dad would have been proud of you," Kolyat piped up after a long silence.

"If you keep saying that I'll cry," Shepard turned to him, her eyes stinging. Thane would have loved to have met Evie, he would have adored her and doted on her and maybe sung her lullabies in his language.

"It's true, Commander," He carried on, "Fighting the war and then recovering and settling down. I didn't think it was possible, but Dad never for one second doubted you."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

"Don't be," She told him, "It's okay to doubt people, especially someone like me who has done the unthinkable, and made a helluva' lot o' mistakes."

"I still shouldn't have doubted you," He paused, eyelids flickering again as he crossed his arms, "I was annoyed that Dad had found someone to replace mom."

"Kolyat, Thane never-"

"I know Commander," He looked at her with a stern expression, "I know that now." Shepard gave a nod gesturing that she understood, "And thank you Commander."

"For what?" She turned to him again, knowing what he was about to say.

"For the anonymous donation to the Kepral's cure fund."

"How'd you know it was me?"

"I'm my father's son, Shepard," Kolyat smiled, "I guessed."

X

Shepard listened to the flurry of seagulls squawking over head and the giggles of her daughter as she played in the sand and chased Kolyat around.

"Hey," She said quietly, plopping down into the sand in front of the white marble grave, "Evie's gonna be eight this week, times gone fast."

She paused, looking out towards the skyline and then back again.

"Gonna tell her about the Collector base later like she's never heard it before," Shepard paused again, heart aching at the lack of reply, "You're gonna' be the hero tonight too and I'm glad you can't reply because you were always too modest." Shepard wasn't glad, she enjoyed their banter and yeah he was modest and she loved that about him. But the stuff he did was incredible and if it were any other person, they'd have a head the size of the sun.

"Gonna tell her about all the times you saved my ass," Shepard gave the grave a grin, "Won't be so crude about it," Shepard chuckled, "Could make it into some romantic slush if you'd prefer." No reply, "Or keep things real and not mention about how we coulda' rode off into the sunset."

"Mommy!" Shepard turned her gaze, "Mommy look!" Evie was slapping sand onto Kolyat's chest, already half buried. He was grinning and she was grinning too, and yeah Thane would have loved her, and even Kolyat loved her in his own way.

Then she saw the glistening top of the permanent marker, and Kolyat's smirk was gone and he was wriggling out from underneath the sand.

"Hey! Whatta you doing?" Shepard heard him shout and then there were more giggles.

"A unicorn Mr Krios!" Evie laughed, "Daddy says you love unicorns!"

"That bast-"

"Watch your mouth," Shepard snapped, eyeing them both into silence, "Play nicely you guys."

"But mom!" Evie whined, pulling good ol' puppy eyes.

"Drop the marker," Her eyes narrowed at her daughter until the marker dropped into the sand at her feet, "One hundred credits goes to the person who can build me the best sandcastle." Evie let out another giggle and raced off to find another patch of decent sand.

"Commander I think I'm too old-"

"You're never too old to build epic sandcastles Kolyat," Shepard grinned at him and waited for him to talk off to help Evie before she turned back to the grave, "She talks about you a lot for someone whose never met you," Shepard carried on like she hadn't even been interrupted, "And it isn't because I'm telling her all of the awesome stuff about you, honest."

Her hands moved to the orchids that patterned the headstone, purples and whites and ones with white and pink dots. The flowers, lilac hyacinths and white irises, were placed in a clear glass jar with water in the bottom in a small cubby in the sand.

It was a perfect spot for him really, with the sun beating down on the sand and the headstone, it wasn't a desert but in the summer it felt like one, especially when the tide was out and the beach stretched out towards the horizon. He got to listen to the ocean night and day just like her, it was peaceful, insanely peaceful and he finally got to have a rest in the only way he deserved to. In tranquillity and that's what this was. It was out of the way, a hidden cove on the quietest part of the Citadel where traffic was only a few cars a day and the faces you saw were the faces of your friends and neighbours. There were no strangers here and Shepard liked that, for a time she had been sick of seeing new faces everywhere she went.

"If I keep saying that I miss you will you come back to me?" She asked softly looking down at her hands as she buried them between layers of sand, "I'm scared of the sea Thane, I should have told you that." And she was terrified, more so after the war when the sea had been in her grasp. Looking back she had been ready for it, just like she was in the hospital too. Even when being awarded her accolades and being named heroine of the galaxy, dammit she didn't want any of that. All she had really wanted was a rest and break from it all. But now, Jesus she was in love with life again. She'd been brought to life again after lying dormant since his death. Evie brought colour to her black and white world, everything burned again and she felt everything again just like Thane had done.

"Mommy look!" Evie's called out, breaking her reverie. "I did it!"

"I'm not who I used to be," Her voice got soft again and she vaguely remembered what it felt like to be in command, to be shouting orders and to have that roughness to her voice, "I never once thought I'd live long enough to be a mom." She smirked and then looked over towards the little girl.

"Mommy!"

"Yes sweet pea," Shepard ran her fingers through her hair and looked down at the lump of sand with tiny peaks at her daughters dirty feet, "I see it," She glanced over in Kolyat's direction, a crafted masterpiece at the skill of his trained fingertips. The walls stretched straight up and in each corner stood rounded towers.

"Kolyat's is better," Evie sighed whilst jabbing her finger into her sand mound, "It's not fair!"

"Practise makes perfect," Shepard offered, knowing from experience that sometimes practise really did make perfect. After all she hadn't been born with the perfect shot.

"Not fair," She pouted and it was an expression she'd seen in herself and that itself made her grin.

"Come 'ere," Shepard beckoned and Evie did as she was told, she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and dropped them both into the side, "You wan' get some ice-cream, mommy's feeling like ice-cream."

"From that corner shop?" She muttered, voice muffled by Shepard's shoulder.

"Definitely and maybe that Krogan will be there with his hat again," She replied, glancing over in Kolyat's direction and watching him add final touches to his castle.

"He looked good in that hat."

"Sure did."

Shepard lifted Evie up onto her feet, called Kolyat over and transferred the credits the deserved whilst arranging for another family poker night. She watched Evie bend down; give the grave a kiss and a little pat.

"See you soon Thane, Mr Krios!" She called out whilst kicking sand and rushing over to the road side.

"See you tomorrow Commander?" Kolyat smiled and Shepard nodded, hand grazing over the top of the headstone.

"Yeah," She replied before lowering her voice until only Thane could hear, "See you tomorrow," It was a promise she made every morning and it was a promise she was going to keep until the sea came.

"Shepard!" Kolyat called after her as she turned to walk away, "Thank you Shepard, for making my father happy," She smiled, nodded and carried on walking.

x

Evie walked through the front door with chocolate flavoured ice-cream splattered around her mouth. She held the cone in one fist and lapped up all the runny bits on her hand whilst Shepard held onto her other, thankfully it was less sticky.

"Hey honey," Shepard called out, letting go of Evie's hand as she darted left and raced down the hallway. She moved towards the living room, plopping down on the couch next to him and folding her legs on the pillows beside her.

"You 'kay?" She felt his gravelly voice at her side as he slung an arm around her.

"Yeah," She replied quietly following the patterns of his tattoo with a finger, "You want a beer or somethin'?"

"Got some emails through whilst you were gone," He said, ignoring her offer.

"Oh yeah?"

"Somethin' 'bout being invited to a celebratory dinner for your achievements," He flashed her a grin, hand tightening on her shoulder and pulling her in closer until she was practically draped over him. Her back pressed against the back of the couch and her front pressed against his warmth.

Shepard's face dropped, she had always hated formal dinners. She wasn't fond of all of the small awkward chit chat with people she barely knew before they got to be seated. She'd have to give a speech too or something and she was just tired of doing that. She didn't want to carry on being the hero and constantly being given accolades for saving the galaxy. Being alive and having a family was enough of a gift, she didn't need any more of the clutter they'd give her.

"Oh and another from Garrus sayin' she's had the baby."

"Jesus that's fantastic, let's skip that dinner and get on a ship to Palaven," Shepard's omni-tool flickered to life and she heard the unread emails beep. She scanned the screen, found Garrus' email and typed a quick response.

"You thin' that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Evie ain't been on ship, you thin' she's old enough for that?"

"She's part me and I grew up on ships," Shepard told him, "And she's also part you, so I think she'll be fine." It would be weird to step back on board a ship and not be in control of it.

"'ight, but I thin' you should still go to that dinner," His smirk curled at the corner of his lips and she totally knew what he was thinking, "Like seeing you in those little black dresses."

"I like wearing 'em for you."

"Want my woman wearing her guns too," He smirked again and she saw that little dimple of his appear at the corners of his lips, "Like it when you go all Commander on me."

"Then you better make it worth it."

"I always do."


End file.
